“When something becomes so important to you that it drives your behavior and commands your emotions, you are worshipping it.” – J.D. Greear
“Please hear me, Girl: The world has enough women who know how to do their hair. It needs women who know how to do hard and holy things.” – Ann Voskamp
I’ve been meaning to write you this letter, but it’s taken me some time to woman up about it. I can honestly say that we’ve been through a lot together – the good, the bad, and the ugly. I remember when we first started spending time together back when I was fresh out of my adolescent years. You were there when I first entered high school – still naïve to the party scene but determined to fit in. You were there when I fell in love and got engaged to my fiancé – and you were there several months later when we broke up and parted ways. You were there when I graduated from UCF with my bachelors degree in Sports and Fitness – ready to take on the fitness industry with zeal. And you were there to celebrate with me – every single year on my birthday (making sure that no one ever forgot). So thank you.
But those days have come and gone. Back then, I still didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. Back then, I struggled to find my worth, my freedom, and my identity. I needed you—desperately. You became a part of me – an extension of my best self. You made me feel special, beautiful, and important. You validated me, stroked my ego, and even put me on a pedestal. You were always there for me when I needed a compliment or someone to chat with when I felt lonely, and for that I am grateful. I won’t lie, you made me feel so good. Until… you didn’t anymore.
You’ve changed. And I think more importantly—I’ve changed.
I thought you were a good match for me, but I was blinded by my desires to be known, valued, and loved. You’ve now become an unsafe place where my insecurities and fears reach a record high. When I spend time with you, I feel like I constantly have to prove myself and impress others; I leave feeling ungrateful and empty, and sometimes even envious of the people whom I’m supposed to love. You’ve grown clingy and jealous of my free time and my energy, and it’s becoming a problem. You constantly compare me to others and it makes me feel like I’m simply not good enough. You pressure me and influence me, and your grip on my heart has become too strong.
I’ve tried to let you go in the past, but you convinced me that I’d be all alone and forgotten. You tried to deceive me into thinking that my friends would abandon me – disown me even – if I chose to walk away from you. You tried to trick me into believing that being liked online was more important than being loved in real life.
You’re a liar, you’re a fake, and you misled me.
And most importantly, you took me away from my First Love. Instead of having the freedom to live my life solely focused on pleasing God – I’ve been forced to focus on pleasing people. Instead of glorifying the Lord through my words and my actions, I’ve been hiding behind a missionary mask while glorifying myself. It’s been all about me. Not anymore. My worth no longer comes from you – it comes from being a daughter of the King of Kings, and I don’t serve Him to earn anything. Not love, not forgiveness, not wealth, not even my own salvation. I serve Him simply because I love Him, and because He chose to love me – unconditionally. I don’t need the world’s approval because I already have His. I don’t have to put on a show anymore – because I really am free.
I am grateful for all of the fun times we’ve had, and for the sweet memories we’ve made together, but we really do need to go our separate ways. And who knows, maybe one day we will cross paths again, but for now – I have a life to live, and you’re holding me back.
I have friends to sit face-to-face with, mountains to climb, prostitutes to love, and contentment to chase. I have girls to disciple, blogs to write, kids to hug, and prayers to pray. I have languages to learn, books to read, homeless people to serve, coffee to drink, and family to invest in. I have sunsets to watch, walks to take, art to sketch, and a worthy calling to fulfill.
I don’t hate you, I’ve just grown tired of you – and I’ve grown tired of how you’ve made me feel. So, I’m letting go. But no hard feelings, hey? I wish you the best in all of your future endeavors.
Love Your Friend, Sam
*** Hey Sweet Friends, firstly, I would just like to say that you are all loved so much. Secondly, I would still love to stay connected to you. I am going to continue blogging and I will also be sending out some monthly email updates with photos, videos, and important info about all of my adventures with the Lord in ZA. So, if you’d like to stay connected to me and continue to follow my journey in South Africa, then please do the following:
or Email Me: firstname.lastname@example.org
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