I have to admit, I never thought that I’d need to type a blog post with one hand, I never thought that I would’ve fractured my wrist playing soccer, and I never thought that my best friend would need to wash my hair for me over the side of a bathtub.
I thought that my journey was going “according to plan,” but then it hit me… according to who’s plan? My plan? My boss’s plan? My parent’s plan? If I genuinely believe in a Sovereign and Loving God who is in complete control of everything, including the tiny details of my personal life, then I have to trust that everything is going exactly according to His plan (whether I like it or not.)
I never saw this coming, but God did. I was caught completely off guard, but God wasn’t. So, with that in mind… I step forward. Without seeing or knowing the bigger picture, I walk forward with my two healthy and completely uninjured legs, and I keep my eyes fixed on the One who sees and knows everything.
One of my prayers lately has been to embrace God as my Dad. To see Him as full of grace and love and mercy. I used to view God as a “recorder of my wrongs,” and as a scary guy who was constantly disappointed in me, but that’s not who He is. He is faithful, and I know that through this experience, however painful it may be, He will use it. It’s been two short days, and I have already received so much love and encouragement from my friends and family all over the world. The word “grateful” just doesn’t cover it.
Then there’s my best friend, Rencia. She has to live with my flaws and she has to witness my shortcomings every single day. Not to mention, she gets the wonderful privilege of experiencing me in my stubborn and “hangry” moments (hangry = hungry and angry.) For anyone that doesn’t know this about me, if you ever notice that I seem “hangry”… run for your life before it’s too late.
Now that I can only use one arm for anything that I do, Rencia has to help me with pretty much everything. It’s a huge blow to my pride. I can’t help cook, cut up my own food, or braid my own hair. Yet, she lovingly and willingly helps me do it all with no expectation of receiving anything in return. John 15:13 that says, “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”
Rencia is daily “laying down her life” for me, and to be honest, I can’t stand it. It hurts and it’s not fair and I argue with her about it all the time… but Grace isn’t fair either.
When Jesus died for me, I didn’t deserve it. I mean, heck, He took my sins with Him to the cross before I even knew who He was. He gave up everything for me, and now nothing can separate me from His unconditional love. So when I see how Rencia goes out of her way to love and serve me, it shows me a beautiful picture of the love of Jesus. The love of a Father who wants nothing more than to spoil His children. It makes no sense, and it goes against everything that I know about our human-made scale of “Reward and Punishment Love.”
So when I prayed for this truth to be make clear in my life, I didn’t know that I’d end up needing surgery. I didn’t think that my arm would need to be put in a sling, but it’s okay because Romans 8:28 says, “we know that God causes everything (*the great things and the bad things) to work together for the good of those who love Him…”
So, as I am fighting hard to let go of my pride, I am simultaneously learning to hold onto truth. It’s the absolute truth that gently whispers over and over, “Sam, your identity and your value does not rest in what you do, your identity and your value rest in the fact that you are Mine. Nothing you do or don’t do will cause Me to love you any less. No one can take you away from Me because I have engraved your name on the palm of My hands and I have placed My Spirit in your heart. Sam, you are loved solely because I have chosen to love you. Now, let Me love you.”
My surgery is Monday morning. God has already gone ahead of me to prepare the way, so in the meantime, I am going to rest and enjoy the quiet before they knock me out and put screws in my wrist. I am going to cheer on my soccer team from the sidelines, and I am going to coach my players to the best of my ability. Last but not least, I am making the conscious decision not to worry,
AND I am going to let Rencia wash my hair…